Gin-san and The Parfait
by happyramen
Summary: Gintoki goes out to eat parfait. Nothing can go wrong, right? Lesson 1010: When Your Doctor Tells You To Lay Off The Sweets, You Should Probably Listen To Him A/N: This is my first horror/comedy fanfic, and first fanfic in a long while so bear with me! I imagined this story in a video/manga format so it might not flow as well. T T Please enjoy!


**Lesson 1010:** **When Your Doctor Tells You To Lay Off The Sweets, You Should Probably Listen To Him**

" _Parfait, parfait~_

 _Strawberry, strawberry~"_

Gintoki hummed mindlessly as he opened the door to the restaurant, ready to order his all-time favorite dessert. To his surprise, a perfectly concocted parfait with fresh strawberries and strawberry/chocolate Pocky sticking out on the side was waiting for him on the bar counter. A shiny silver spoon was laid out next to it.

" _HO HO HO ~_ " He mused.

"I guess the owner finally realized what a valuable customer I am!"

He jumped to a seat at the bar, pulled the dessert close to him, and admired its beauty with twinkling eyes. A minute later, he finally grabbed the silver spoon, kissed it, and readied himself for battle. He started with a spoonful of strawberries at the top, chewing every bit of the fruit slowly, savoring its sweet yet tangy flavor. He headed for the Pocky after, dipping the chocolate-covered tips into the strawberry cream, biting them piece by piece. Once the garnishes were gone, he unceremoniously dove right into the main course. Spoonful after spoonful, bite after bite, Gintoki showed no signs of slowing down. After all, hesitation in battle could be deadly. The only time the White Yaksha would stop was to loudly sigh in satisfaction. It was during one of these interludes, as he leaned back on his seat, that he finally looked around the restaurant. It was empty and eerily quiet - there were no annoying yelling of the regular Amantos, the stuttering of the new waitresses in their short frilly aprons, or the crying of the grade school kids who wanted to leave and play at the park nearby. _Odd_ , he thought, but Gintoki being Gintoki, pushed the uneasiness to the back of his mind and refocused on finishing his parfait. He was midway putting another spoonful in his mouth when it happened:

 _ **click**_

 _ti-nk_

 _B A N G_

the lights went out.

"Cho-cho-chotto…" Gintoki stuttered, trying to reach the bar counter from the floor. "A-a-ano…"

 _Silence._

"Yo-Yo-You se-se-see, I have ni-night blindness and I dropped my spo-spoon and I still have some pa-parfait left and I don't want to be rude and not fi-finish the whole thing CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"

 _Silence._

"Ha! This is so funny! You're really funny! This is a great prank! HA HA HA HA !"

 _Silence._

"O-O-Onegai… just le-le-let me finish my parfait and I-I-I'll be on my way…"

 _Silence..._

 _H EA VY BR E A TH I N G_

 _...more silence._

" GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ! ! ! ! ! !"

 _dash_

 _crash-bang!_

 _kreen ~ jin-gle!_

 _ **BAAAMMMMM**_

Panting heavily, with his hands on his knees, Gintoki barely kept himself from collapsing to the ground. He looked up and noticed a crowd of people staring at him and whispering, but the loud pounding of his heart prevented him from deciphering what was said. Passersby glared at him for taking up too much space on the sidewalk, mouthing the word "crazy" as they walk past him. Not wanting any more attention than he already had, Gintoki stood up straight, dusted his yukata, and casually walked off.

"F-Funny old man!" He shouted at the restaurant, nervously glancing at the people watching.

"I-I'll definitely get you next time! Ha ha ha!"

What transpired back there was nothing but a simple, random power outage - at least that was what Gintoki wanted to believe. It was just his luck that he was all alone when it happened, no big deal. Still, Gintoki's adrenaline hadn't gone down yet. He speedwalked away from the restaurant, checking behind him a few times to make sure no one was following him. He only slowed down when he couldn't see the diner anymore. Calm and relieved, he started wondering when their next job would be since rent was due next week, which then reminded him that he still owed Otose-san last month's rent. He scratched his head; all this thinking was going to make him bald. He then wondered whether he could sell his hair, but thought against it because who on Earth would want a naturally permed silver hair anyway? He realized, at this moment, that the street he was walking on was empty, and he, yet again, was alone. He then saw Madao up ahead, sitting on a flattened box in front of the convenience store with nothing on but his sunglasses – no shirt, no pants, no nothing. He was surrounded by his usual dark, gloomy aura, and Gintoki wanted nothing to do with it, or _him_. Looking straight ahead, he hastened his pace.

"Oy," Madao called out softly. "Gin-san..."

Gintoki ignored him and proceeded onwards.

"Oy~ Gin-san, how was the parfait?"

Gintoki, unrelentless on his purpose of ignoring Madao, treaded on without a glance towards the latter's direction. He turned right at the corner at the end of the street, then another right on the next. It was about a mile past the store when he started to slow down. Finally able to collect his thoughts, he remembered what Madao said.

 _How was the parfait?_ echoed in Gintoki's head.

 _ **How was the parfait?**_

Gintoki came to a halt. Sweat formed on his forehead, with some already trickling down his face. He could hear his heart race back up again. He looked around and found himself in a yet another empty street, dark and desolate.

 _Good grief,_ he thought.

 _Did everyone decide to stay at home today?! The dramas don't start til 8 pm anyway! What, do they all have hemorrhoids and need to-_

 _ **Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-**_

He was in the middle of his ruminations when he heard loud, heavy footsteps coming from his left. He saw through his periphery a dark alleyway from that direction, and a dark silhouette moving towards him.

 _ **-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-**_

The footsteps were getting louder and closer. He heard heavy breathing, but whether it's from the stranger or from him, he couldn't tell - his pounding heart was too loud. With adrenaline kicking in, he only had a few seconds to decide whether to run or fight. Whoever it was, he knew he could take them on, given they were human, or even Amanto. _But,_ his mind interjected. _But if it's a g-ghost..._

 _ **-tap-tap-tap-tap-**_

Gintoki decided running was the only option for him in this situation. After the incident at the restaurant, it might be an omen from the gods that he, like everyone else, needed to stay home tonight. He tried hastily to move his feet - left, right, left, right - but they won't budge.

 _ **-tap-tap-tap-**_

Desperate, he punched his thighs a few times as some kind of reset. _Gah! This is not a video game! Why the hell are you guys lagging now that I need you to work?!_

 _ **-tap-tap-**_

Left with his only other option, he gripped the handle of his wooden sword.

 _ **-tap.**_

The footsteps stopped. Gintoki was getting ready to strike back when he suddenly heard a familiar voice.

"Dono, have you seen Madao?"

"O-Okita?" Gintoki blankly asked.

"Haiiiii…" Sougo replied, coming out of the darkness eating ice cream.

"Wha-What the hell are you doing in a dark, creepy alleyway eating ice cream?!" Gintoki shouted. "…scared the shit out of me…"

"Oh, did I scare you? My bad~" Okita said half-heartedly. "Anyway, have you seen him? MADAO."

"Ma-Madao? Wha-Why are you looking for him?"

"Well, he's kind of a prime suspect right now," Okita answered as he licked his ice cream.

"P-Prime suspect...?"

"Uh-huh." _Lick_. "Allegedly, he killed the owner of the restaurant by the station. The employees last saw him with the owner, and they seemed to have been arguing about paying for a parfait or something."

"Re-restaurant by the station? Pa-parfait?" Gintoki repeated.

"Yeah, the one you go to a lot. It was just chaos this morning – blood everywhere, body missing, employees were in shock. Some of them even passed out, had to go to the hospital by ambulance." Okita explained, still eating.

"T-This morning? But I was just there… an hour… ago…" Gintoki gulped, his words trailing off.

"Dono?" Okita took his focus off his ice cream, looked up, and watched Gintoki with interest.

"N-Nothing. About Madao, I-I haven't seen him at all." Gintoki replied, his voice cracking towards the end. Okita stared at him. Gintoki averted his eyes away from Okita's gaze, and tried to act as nonchalantly as possible. He started humming the new song that Otsuu-chan released, making a mental note to beat up Shinpachi later for getting it stuck in his head. He even started to mumble about the new Jump coming out this month. But Okita kept his stare, one side of his ice cream starting to melt. Gintoki, feeling the pressure of not telling the truth, was thinking of excuses to use to get out of the situation.

"Okita, I-"

"Well, if you do see him, give me a call. I'm going to head back to HQ. Hijikata might be looking for me and he'll give me hell if he saw me eating ice cream while on patrol. Not that I care though," Okita interrupted, licking the melting part of his ice cream before finishing it off in one bite. "Jah ne~"

"M-Mhm, jah ne..." Gintoki mumbled, waving goodbye to Sougo. He started walking towards the Yorozuya again. He couldn't fully comprehend what Okita told him and didn't really want to. Moreover, he didn't understand why he lied in the first place.

"Oh, Gin-san!"

Gintoki turned around, ready to come clean to Okita just in case he figured it out.

 **"HOW WAS THE PARFAIT?"**

"GAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Gintoki screamed, running as fast as he could away from the streets and into Otose-san's bar. It wasn't Okita who called him back in the alley. For a second, he thought he saw Madao's face. Scratch that, he was sure it _was_ Madao - who couldn't recognize those sunglasses of his? _But if it was Madao_ , Gintoki thought, _why the hell was he looking like a ghost and screaming at me like a damn banshee? How the hell does he know about the - ?_

Gintoki became aware then how dark the bar was. Around this time usually, the old hag and Catherine were busy getting ready to open up shop, with regular customers coming in right after work.

" _ **Gin-san…**_ " someone in the dark called out. " _ **How was…**_ _ **the…**_ "

Gintoki blinked, clumsily opened the door, closed it behind him, then sprinted up the stairs into his apartment. He slammed the door shut, locked it, then double locked it as if his life depended on it. Feeling safe and secured, his breathing started to come down. He collapsed into the couch, and started to take off his yukata, thinking how great a shower would be right now. He couldn't believe the amount of sweat he produced in a short amount of time. He was halfway inside the bathroom when he noticed how unusually dark the apartment was. He gulped. His instinct told him to run, but his pride wasn't letting him. This was his house after all. He wasn't about to let his house scare him off, not one bit. He tried turning on the lights, but either the switch wasn't working or the bulb burnt out. _Damn Kagura for always leaving the lights on!_ Gintoki complained. So he started looking for candles. He looked everywhere – the drawers in the kitchen, the cabinets, on top of the fridge, under the sink – he found none. He started to panic.

"Cho-cho-chotto. Thi-This is my house! Why am I sc-scared?! Hahahahaha..."

Then he heard feet shuffling.

" A," he laughed maniacally while slowly finding his way towards his room. When he found the door, he quickly opened it, leapt inside, and bolted it. He pressed his ears on the door, straining to listen for more footsteps. It was quiet. He breathed a sigh of relief. He felt heat radiating inside his room and noticed how brighter it was getting. With one hand still on the doorknob and the other on his sword, he slowly turned around.

 _P O P !_ went the confetti canons.

" **HAPPY BIRTHDAY!** "

Everyone shouted, though discordantly, with some already singing the _Happy Birthday_ song. He could hear Shinpachi's tone-deaf singing; Zura's obnoxious laughter, telling Elizabeth how he thought of this surprise party for Gintoki but Kagura yelling at him for taking credit for _her_ idea; Kondo's annoying laughter followed by him choking after getting kicked by Otae; and Sa-chan declaring herself as Gintoki's only-needed present. Everyone chatted away, mostly complaining about how long they waited in the dark, and how there better be food because they were starving. Tama then started passing out plates in the back as if on cue. The room was so loud and lively that the guests didn't notice how silent and pale Gintoki had become. After all, in front of him, holding the cake, was none other than Madao's half-illuminated, grinning face.

" **How was the parfait,** _ **Gin-san**_ **?** "


End file.
